There are days, I think we all have them, when I look at the golf ball and wonder, “What exactly do you want from me? I do everything I can to make the proper swing, then you go fly somewhere completely unexpected.” The following is a response from one of my golf balls.
Good Afternoon! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Golf Ball and my current residence is, Sleeve of Three, Golf Bag, USA. I assume you forgot because there hasn’t been much activity lately. Maybe that is not such a bad thing. All of us are concerned that very few return once we are put in play. The rest of the group asked me to tell you that if you saw things from our perspective, our chances of retirement as an occasional practice ball might be enhanced.
You have to remember that all I know is what the face of the golf club tells me. Rumor has it -your umbrella is a gossip by the way- you are trying a number of different ways to move your body in an effort to get me to do what you wish. Please realize I don’t care about any of that. I only do what I am told by the clubface. The club tells me three things, what direction to start, what direction to curve and how far to go. The direction the face is pointed at impact determines my initial direction, and the angles of the face determine up or down, left or right. The direction the face is moving, relative to the angle of the face at impact, determines if I will fly straight or curve. I like straight for the most part. You make all of us very nervous when you try to make one of us curve. We have lost a lot of friends that way. In order for me to fly straight, the face must be pointed in the same direction the club is moving. If that happens, I will fly straight with no curve. Now whether that is the direction you want me to go is entirely based on the direction the club is moving when I get hit. If it matches your intent, I go straight to the target. If not, straight somewhere else. I know what you are thinking, if the club moves in a circle while the direction you want to go is straight, how do I get them to match? That is the part you have to figure out. We know there are people available to explain it to you. The new glove told us. Please take one of these people up on their offer to help! I hate the idea of flying off into the wilderness never to be seen again. By the way, while we are on the subject of my preferences. Please remember I work better when I am clean and I don’t know how to swim. Thanks.